Potato Chips

When Bob eats potato chips, he takes a handful out of the bag and stuffs them in his mouth all at once. This did not bother me until I began to notice that he would lick his entire index finger before putting his hand back into the bag. I decided I needed to say something to him when potato chips were sticking to my fi...ngers after I packed my lunch for work. Apparently, empty calories are the least of my worries.

Roller Coaster

Yesterday Bob, who turns 80 in September, decided that he was going to go to Kings Dominion and ride the rollercoasters. He was especially excited to ride the new Intimidator305. Here is the description of this rollercoaster. It is he tallest and fastest roller coaster of its type on the East Coast. It is only the second giga-coaster ever built in North America. It is 305 feet tall or roughly the size of a 30 story building. It descends 300 feet at an 85 degree-angle at speeds in excess of 90 miles per hour.

Now, no amount of talk from me could convince him that this probably wasn't the best idea in the world. In fact, he told me "I bet lots of 90 years olds have ridden it." Yeah, right. Tons, I'm sure.

Anyway, he gets there and decides to ride the Volcano as a warm-up...his first ride upon entering the park. He terms this a "middle of the road" rollercoaster. The Volcano goes from about 0 to 70 in 2 seconds. He decides, despite the warnings of the park personnel to put your head against the head rest, to lean forward and close his eyes. When this thing takes off, his head shoots back like he has been hit from behind by a tractor trailer smashing his head into the head rest. This coaster catapults straight up and starts doing loopty-loops. Bob says "I really thought I was going to die."

Long story short, the great rollercoaster experiment ends with a bad case of vertigo, a bad headache and a case of whiplash, but no Intimidator305. Makes me wonder how so many 90 year olds are riding this thing.

Honey

Most Thursday nights, Bob takes me to KFC. On one particular outing, he instructed me to go to the register and get him some honey packets. I should have refused, but I didn't know he would spend the remainder of the meal poking holes in the packets with his fork and sucking all the honey out of them into his mouth. For "dessert", he ingested about ten of those packets. Bob the bumble bee.

Rude Boy II

Bob's new ringtone rang for the first time in a public setting last night. The song Rude Boy blared at highest volume in his Tuesday night bible class. To my surprise and amusement, he is keeping the ringtone. I am positive he is unaware of the song's connotations. So, whenever you hear the voice of Rihanna blasting out inappropriate lyrics, think of Bob. It might not hurt to took for him too.

Rude Boy

Bob has a cell phone. Well, sort of. He leaves it in the charger all day and has never taken it anywhere. He uses the eraser-side of an orange pencil to push the buttons because his fingers can't. He "doesn't know how" to receive calls; he only uses it for outgoing calls. So, I suppose I shouldn't feel too guilty for secretly purchasing Rihanna's "Rude Boy" to be his default ringtone. Don't tell him.